This year, don't just "go" somewhere for Thanksgiving.
Photo by Pro Church Media
Over the past few weeks I have been struck by how many times I’ve heard people ask “where are you going to spend Thanksgiving?” Of course, it's an understandable question; we live in a world where families are spread out, and in a city like Atlanta (or New York and LA) with tons of “transplants,” people often go “home” for the holidays.
In that sense, the holiday can really feel like a destination as opposed to a celebration.
Perhaps this is exactly why “friendsgiving” celebrations are so in vogue. For many people, even though they spend this holiday of thankfulness and gratitude with parents and siblings, they sometimes have an even deeper sense of thankfulness for the friends who are like family.
You know the people I’m talking about, right? Friendsgiving is about the friends who live closer than the faraway family members and the once-a-year, right-around-the-holiday relatives. They are the people who watch you live, laugh and cry on a daily basis. Perhaps they are members of the early morning spin class crew, the after work happy hour gang, or book club buddies. The pals who share your perspectives and politics, and the girl gang (or guy gang) who joins you in your struggle. It seems only right to have a Thanksgiving meal with them too, right? Hence, friendsgiving.
And so for many people there is this odd dichotomy: a friendsgiving “here” with our friends and a trip “home” for Thanksgiving with family. The friendsgiving can sometimes feel more uplifting than the second, since it means time with people who know who we are, versus time with people who remember who we used to be.
It’s complicated.
But it doesn’t have to be.
What if Thanksgiving stopped being moment in time, or a destination date on your calendar, and instead became a true mindset, regardless of people or place? What if, rather than thinking of family as just people who share genealogical relations, we also thought of them as true friends? How would our perspective of Thanksgiving change?
Thanksgiving as a lifestyle? Friendsgiving with actual family?
Why not?
Sure, I get it. Sometimes family gatherings are a lot to handle. In fact, surveys regularly show that they can be sources of anxiety and stress for many of us. We get in a fixed mindset that family get-togethers are something to endure rather than enjoy, and that after all the holiday specials (and occasional train wrecks) we will be grateful to get back to our regularly scheduled programming.
But perhaps this year is the year to start looking at Thanksgiving (and then Christmas, Hanukkah, and the other winter holidays) through a more optimistic lens. Perhaps this year we can look at the Thanksgiving table not as a Rubik’s Cube of relationships and conversational “chutes and ladders,” but as an opportunity to really ground ourselves in a mindset of gratitude.
Yes, maybe some relatives say ridiculous things, and other family members bring up embarrassing memories. Sometimes we enter the scene knowing that we will encounter some closed minds, or open some old wounds. But we all made it to the table, and we even have food to put on the table (which far too many people can’t say, even in this age of abundance). We all have something that ties us together and we are not alone (which also far too many people can’t say, even in this age of connection).
We all have a reason to be thankful, don’t we? Isn’t that what Thanksgiving is REALLY about?
So this year, while you are “at” Thanksgiving, perhaps make a commitment to stop “going there” and spend more time “being there.” Create a Thanksgiving mindset that embraces gratitude and thankfulness that makes Thanksgiving an everyday experience.
So don’t GO to Thanksgiving this year. DO Thanksgiving all year.
And see how much more thanks you truly have to give.
Questions for Further Reflection:
Do you have a specific gratitude experience for your Thanksgiving dinner? Do people share one thing they are most grateful for (or does everyone just dive in and eat)? If you don’t have that family (or friends) practice, maybe this is a great year to start!
While you're at it... do you have a daily gratitude practice? If not, think about Thanksgiving as a great time to start. Maybe just pledge to make a list of things you are grateful for… set a daily reminder on your phone to add to the list, and by next Thanksgiving you will have 365 additional reasons to be thankful.
You probably have a “friends” group chat, but do you have one with your family? If not, Thanksgiving might be the perfect time to set one up. Perhaps this year will be the year that you deepen those relationships with your family so that they know a bit more about you, just like your friends do. And then next year, the family Thanksgiving can be more like your local friendsgiving!